January 11, 2011

My antidepressants make me tremble uncontrollably. So my handwriting is a mess. I’m worried about an acting class I’m taking which will, in all likelihood, demand a stillness I can’t achieve. People are constantly asking me if I’m cold.

At first I thought it was just anxiety. Nerves. Because I had a lot of that, before coming back. Anxiety. I was scared about seeing my friends. (I was scared they wouldn’t want to be my friends anymore.) I was scared about classes. (My grades were not awesome last semester. Depression does not exactly encourage strong academic performance.) And I am deathly terrified that my depression will return.

So switching up the meds is scary. I don’t want to plunge into another bout of depression. But this trembling, it’s beginning to get to me.


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